takes the cake, takes the cake, takes the cake…I don’t want the fucking cake! I can’t eat cake, it doesn’t even have memories! Does it have a secret fucking cake diary that I don’t know about?
I’M A FUCKING CAKE, I DO FUCK-ALL ELSE WITH MY LIFE!
I’m off to beach, but sadly because of human’s very narrow standards for beauty, I can’t take my shirt off.
*Girlish Screams*1. I’d like to think I’m quite friendly and try to please everyone 2. I can sometimes take a while to reply but I try to make each one worth the wait 3. I’m a good listener 4. I’m non-confrontational 5. I’m not Alfred IRL. That’s a formatting nightmare, bare with me!
He’s got a snack. To be fair, he always has snacks. The little boy is sitting down, chomping away at some tasty goldfish crackers while pretending he’s a shark.
The boy is about to claim his next victim when, out of the corner of his eye, he sees a man.
"Oh Hi there, little dude," Alfred said with a wide, tooth-revealing grin, "seems like you’re having some fun with your food, aren’t you? Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it’s healthy for someone your age."
He stepped slowly around the small, human child whilst humming the Jaws theme aloud, before sitting down next to them.
"What’s your name, child?" He said in a voice he hoped would sound smooth and comforting, "or shall I just call you shark?"